C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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