can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
