Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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