I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
