You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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