smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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