i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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