Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
