3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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