You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So many bounce houses so little time
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
