the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
