I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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