I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
