Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
