On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize