im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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