is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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