I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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