See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
