Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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