So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a beard to bite.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
