Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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