so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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