I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
