I faked an abortion last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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