Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
