Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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