Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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