He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
