i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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