Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
