I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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