And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
