I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
