afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
