I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
