Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
