Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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