It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
