I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
