I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
