so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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