Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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