I cut my penus on the lid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
