Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
