i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
