I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
