i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
