Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
