No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
