when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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