I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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