I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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