butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
