Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im just a social blackout drinker.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
