All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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