Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
