I hate your face
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
