yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
