Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
