Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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