the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize