Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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