don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
