did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
