No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
