How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
