break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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