I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
