Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
