i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
