your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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