while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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